I have started. Erased… and restarted this blog for about three weeks

Why?
I usually love putting my thought to words –how earth is it that this time I have been struggling.  
Lets look a little deeper at my thoughts….
My husband and I do affirmations with our son. You’ve probably all heard them before,

“I am nice, I am kind.. I am loved “

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We ask Zion to say those words frequently in order to build his self confidence and to be aware of the LOVE that surrounds him.
That being said. I think many of us struggle to be nice, kind and love ourselves. 
I think we tend to be full of guilt, frustration and rejection, and then say negative affirmations. over positive, to our selves.
“I didn’t have time to workout today”
“I can’t diet for the life of me”
“Goals?  Yah I’m great at breaking those.”
Originally, I wanted to write a blog on my journey back to getting in shape POST-BABY……..and then I thought about it.
If I myself, struggle with being nice to myself, giving myself a break when I don’t get everything done in the day…I definitly don’t want to come across that I’m saying women should be back in the gym three weeks after the
baby is born!
I have had a life changing year.  I’ve gained some of the most beautiful friends a woman could ask for, I’ve dealt with fears of food, I’ve learned to love myself more, I’ve learned to take a BREAK once in a while. And I want to talk about it.  But in a gentle manner that shows my learning, not that I’ve made changes and its all “good in the hood” again!
I wanted to talk about learning how to macronate my life, thus enabling myself to start eating a large variety of foods (and not being afraid to)— Yes I have a serious fear of foods! And I am learning to embrace that, and over come it.  Learning how to follow macros, has given me this opportunity, that I just need to hit a # of macro’s (Carb/Fat/protein’s) at the end of the day, and I can choose and be liberated to get there with all my yummy holistic meals… not just competitor or ‘clean’ foods.
But I don’t want to appear I’m saying that following a diet post baby is important
I wanted to write about training.  That I am learning and relearning how to be effective and efficient  in my workouts.  I have a short limited time to be in the gym, and I LOVE being there, learning new things and getting a good mommy time work-out in!
But I don’t want I come across that I am focused on weight room.

So now what?

I’m a mommy, of two beautiful babies.
I have passions.
I’m sensitive and I’m effected by those in and around my life.
I’m goal oriented and driven..
Having a baby doesn’t turn those things off.
But.. Im also HUMAN
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I’m surrounded by a fitness community of men and women.
Daily I see scrolling across my Facebook page pictures of gorgeous moms with six packs … Months after having twins!
I look down at my still soft tummy and over to my nursing baby.
I start to feel frustrated
I scroll past a picture of a mom with her baby sleeping In front of her as she is rocking out on cardio…
Just as I see that… the daycare lady comes out 12 minutes in to my cardio at the gym, to summoned me back to my little angel that wants her mommy…
I start to feel jealous 
I scroll over moms gloating that they lost 10lbs already days into their fitness routines post-baby, and slipped into their skinny jeans again
I look down at my maternity joggers I still wear with pride..
I start to feel unaccomplished
*** DISCLAIMER***
I know in my heart I have accomplished a lot, I would rather my baby angel
 want for me than do cardio and I proudly wear my tummy right now because it held a precious baby...
These are HUMAN thoughts.. my thoughts.. I embrace.. in order to be able to 
erase
What’s Facebook Got to do with it?
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The sad part is that society has pressured us, to fit back into our skinny jeans, to not appear pregnant the day after you give birth, and to be able to juggle working out and being a great mom, “If I can do it.. you can too!”
I can say Im guilty of all the above 😀
The perfect example is the way post baby pictures of Princess Kate flooded social media with comments about the fact that she still appeared to have a belly bump. 🙁
So if other people feel that way, and say it so publicly, as a new sensitive mom, IN THE FITNESS INDUSTRY… I have a little voice in me that says…
“Work harder. They are watching you!”
Do they understand?
Am I going to be excepted or talked about because my post baby body isn’t making my lulu pants shine?

Do I care?  No… yes….  NO!

I thought this may sound crazy to non fitness moms that aren’t surrounded by this. But then I thought about my previous point…. IN GENERAL… society had placed an unspoken expectation for mothers to be nurturing, loving, undemanding but still still racing to be back in skinny jeans after a few weeks…
Whats worse?…..We ALL applaud that!
What if we focused on other achievements..still about being healthy and leading as a role model with regards to the importance of health in our families– but more positive.
What about the mom that runs her first race?
The mom that does Wii yoga with her toddler while baby naps.
The mom that vacuum’s and dances and laughs!
The mom that runs in the park loving life!!
I’m working on a Mel 2.0 as my friend and trainer Craig says.
Craig’s working with me to relearn how to love training post baby. It’s not about getting on stage or Building a six pack right now.
It’s about humbly squatting  just the bar and not getting stuck under it! 😉
It’s about wheezing out of breath after basic lunges across a parking lot!
It’s about re-affirming ME, and  that my happy posts, are the most import thing to scroll over online each day…
It’s about learning balance and being efficient, and loving it!
Who knows what will happen as each day passes, as each piece of my new puzzle is laid.
Am I going to workout yes!
Am I going to eat healthy yes! (With a few treats lol)
Am I going to still set goals yes!
Am I going to be patient, nice and kind to myself?
Yes… Of course
*disclaimer:  I am not discrediting any mommy who sets a fitness goal and achieves it post baby, I support it and think you rock!! This is just a personal opinion/observation/ thoughts …

2 comments on “Mommy making a come back… or am I?”

  1. I’m just now slowly accepting my curves for what they are. I’m 34….lol. I workout as much as I can and I eat healthy 75-95% of the time. I’m not interested in shaving anything off my curvy body and just want to enjoy my life. I love looking at women and all their different shapes because it shows me we are all beautiful…it just takes time and growing to see that.

    Cheers my beautiful friend xoxo

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